Excuses, Excuses

I just realized that the last time I wrote anything was in March. It is now May. What happened to April? I have been so busy running around in what seem to be endless circles that I have forgotten to surface every now and then for air. This is apparently the crazy time of year, the time of year when as a teacher you seriously consider if you have mad the correct career choice and start counting the days until the end of the year along with your students (if your students can count), the time of year when you have no time to call your own. I still love my job and my kids and teaching...but some days I could really use a few more hours in the day and a lot more sleep!
I can not believe that I am almost at the end of my first year of teaching. I can not believe that I made it through this year. It was harder than I expected, better than I expected, more frustrating than I expected, more rewarding than I expected, more work than I expected, more fun than I expected, more of everything than I expected. It is unclear who learned more, the children or myself. There is no way that I can say that I am now a great and wonderful teacher, that I know everything I need to know, that I will never make a mistake. I will learn just as much next year as I learned this year, perhaps more, and I love that about this job. each day I pray that I can meet the needs of my students, that I can offer them everything that they need, and that I can be better than I was the day before. I am learning that I will never be perfect and that being damaged is beautiful. Imperfection is not the same as unacceptable.
This may not make sense, but I am just writing from my heart instead of from my brain. It also does not help any that it is 6:30 am, that I have been up since 5:00am, and that I still have a long day ahead of me. On days like this I give thanks for coffee!!
Just to add to the list of things I never expected to hear myself say:
Chicken is for eating, not for wearing.
He's a BOY, E.! No kissing!! (E. is a boy and was confused about another child being a boy or a girl; Also kissing is not allowed at all but E. generally only tris to kiss the girls)
Pull up your pants, I can see your Elmo. (Elmo being the design on the back of the diaper)
NO! No Touching! It's too cold for a fire drill today!
The baby does not go in the washing machine.
Balls are not for throwing. (Um, really?)
See, that's why you are not allowed to drive until you can see over the wheelchair.