Bits and Pieces

This is an old post that I never finished and now I am trying to recreate. I should know that recreations are never as good as the original but I am stubborn and I also know that I saved the bits and pieces I typed in for a reason...for some vague reason. By this point in the school year (end of May) my memory has gone the same place that all of the proper behavior lessons that I taught my children seem to have gone - a big, all consuming black hole. We have forgotten that the fire alarm is forbidden (ooh, its so red and so shiny..and it has a nice white lever...and it says "Pull"...why does teacher always yell at me when I touch it?), we have forgotten that we walk in a line or even in a controlled mob formation, we have forgotten that it is not funny to take off running away from the playground and towards traffic forcing your sweaty and not graceful teacher to chase you. We have forgotten that it is never appropriate to hit, push, kick, pinch, bite, scratch, punch, spit, shoot snot rockets at, stomp on, cover in mulch, or otherwise assault another person. Basically the next person who tells me that my children are all so sweet and adorable is going to be invited to take them out on the playground for 15 minutes and then report back with their verdict. I think they smell summer, I think they are aware that soon they will be free from such rules and forced labor for two and a half months and they are just barely able to wait. Either that or I am so screwed.
Pulled together from the old post, one of my children has developed a voice that is perfect for horror movies. He has autism and it is not uncommon for children with autism to use different pitches, tones, rates, and prosody when learning language. I am well aware of this. Yet the first time I heard this voice coming from my beautiful, sweet and innocent looking child I was frozen for a moment. I had an Exorcist moment, waiting for his head to spin around or something. It was that completely different and unexpected. I quickly gathered myself and realized that this would most likely be a hinderance to his social interactions with others in the commmunity and in the school. So now every time the "monster" voice comes out I gently touch his lips and remind him to use his big boy voice. However, I can not look at a can of pea soup right now without a quick shiver.
Friday we had what can only be called a mass dumping. Within one 15 minute period we had 3 children produce blow out diapers of record proportions and the other two set new weight records for wet diapers. Of course they all waited until right after we checked their diapers because what fun is there in filling a diaper before it is checked and changed? How did 5 kids coordinate such a mass dumping? Oh, and in that time span one also managed to vomit on the carpet after coughing too hard. Bonus Round! And I wonder why the custodians always come with a mop and a bucket even when we call for someting as simple as papertowel?