Choices

I have never cared much for politics, which is ironic since I find myself far too close to the nation's capitol for my own comfort. While I fully understand and appreciate the incredible blessings of living in a country that is a democracy, the intricate workings of said government are as interesting to me as watching cogs spin endlessly on an antiquated piece of machinery in a museum. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that I have never been good at lying, and that my negotiating skills leave a lot to be desired (I am a horrid bluff and tend to throw all my cards on the table much to soon)and politics is lying, bluffing, negotiating, and fakery. However, having to face the grown up world without the cushion of mommy and daddy to catch me and without the relative innocence of self-imposed invincibility has knocked some politics into my cobwebbed head. One area is education, which is a debate that I will jump into another day when I have my boots on and see a nice mud puddle. Another is health care. I am used to being poor, with various levels of poor fluctuating as I grew up. I am used to working incredibly hard to succeed and to give everything I have to the things I hold dear. I am not used to having to choose between medication and groceries. I am not used to having to choose which of my medications to take for the next two weeks because I can not afford to pay for all of them. I am not used to deciding my medical care based not on my health and the incredible balancing act it takes to keep me alive and functioning, but based on access to the things that I need most. This is not an issue of having medical insurance because I have insurance from a "good company" and I work a full time, respectable job. It is an issue of what it means to have chronic, life threatening illnesses in a time and place where the cost of living is high and medical care higher. I prioritize my medications when I refill them - critical for life, critical for functioning, required, and not causing immediate danger if skipped. For example my heart medication is critical for life because if I slip into v-tach and fail to reconvert then there is no need to worry about paying for anything else. My thyroid medication is not immediately dangerous because, while life sucks when you are in a hypothyroid state, it is unlikely to kill me within a few weeks. My blood thinners are critical for life - I really do not want to repeat the stroke event - but I am creative with how I add up pills and portions of pills to get to the necessary dose. My medication for insulin resistance and polycystic ovarian syndrome is not critical for life because I have always had normal blood sugars and the symptoms of the POS are annoying but not fatal. I choose which doctors I see based on who can cover the most symptoms and what seems to be the area with the mst malfunctions. I am seriously overdue for cardiology and neurology, and if I confessed to my rheumatologist how long it has been since my last eye exam he would probably withhold my medication until I completed the exam or otherwise make the exam required. Yet I can only afford so many appointments each month and I have to be cost effective. These are the choices that I should not have to make living in America, working full time, with insurance. These are the choices that no one should ever have to make. I had better health coverage when I was on medicaid - why should I feel like I am gambling my health because I choose to work incredibly hard, to sacrifice so much in order to give instead of just take, to follow my dream instead of continuing to allow others to be responsible for me? I may not have the most eloquent words to express the desperation, but when did medical care become a privilege instead of a basic right of humanity? When did the worth of my life, as measured by the care given to sustain it, become equal to the worth of my checking account?