Just Breathe

Ever have those days where you accidentally ask "what else can go wrong?" and then not five minutes later you reply "oh, that"? That is a good description of how yesterday felt. For the past few weeks our school has been using a "school wide" reinforcement system to reward positive behavior. However, when I attempted to participate I was informed that it was not appropriate for my children because they would not understand it but that they would be more than willing to assist me in developing a positive reinforcement system that I could use in my classroom. Um, I can reinforce my children it was the inclusion I wanted. So yesterday at the special education team meeting this reinforcement program was discussed and I mentioned that I had not been allowed to participate. Let's just say that no one else appreciated that either. The team leader volunteered to discuss it with the principal and less than an hour later preschool is included. However, I have the distinct feeling that while the administration has no issue with our inclusion those running the program below them do and so it is a begrudging inclusion. Oh well. Then we had a minor situation with a feeding pump that had me ready to throw the beeping "error - error- error" thing out the window. Finally after 15 minutes of trying this and that we emptied the feeding bag, washed it, flushed the tubing, and reset everything. Apparently that made the machine feel better because then it worked. It is of interest that there was no blockage in any of the tubing, no clumps in the feeding bag, and nothing wrong with it other than a bad attitude. Finally while outside on the playground Houdini managed to pull out her trach while being supervised. She is darn fast. The same movement used to cover her trach and talk slips into a pull-out-the-trach movement before you can stop it. So we made a trip to the school nurse to have it reinserted because I felt that the playground was not the best location for such an undertaking. I then received a lecture from the school nurse for allowing her to remove her trach and not providing proper supervision. UGH! Why doesn't she try my job for a day? She seemed to threaten that if it happened again any time soon (which is like saying if she sneezes any time soon) there would be serious reprocussions. I felt like crying because I am doing the best that I can and you can not always hold my children to the same expectations as children who are typically developing. For this child, removing her trach once in 5 days was great. It is all perspective and relative. So I ended up talking to the principal after my class left and was reassured that I would not be in any trouble if she removed her trach again because the only person to discipline me would be her (principal) and she would not do so. She also reminded me that I am a teacher, not a babysitter, and that I need to make my decisions based on what is educationally best for my children. Of course I need to make best effort to keep them safe but I am not child care and I am not a nurse. That was so reassuring. Because I had seriously considered the circus, or McDonalds. Some days it seems like a cage full of lions would be a relaxing vacation compared to teaching. Yet in the end I wouldn't trade my job. There are eight precious reasons waiting for me each day. Eight sticky, wet, slimy, warm, soft hands and eight sets of beautiful, piercing, seeking eyes and eight amazing little souls.